Tuesday, February 26, 2013

broken poetry

it's hard to tell the difference between black and white when everything's gray
it's hard to understand right and wrong when everything's ok
it's easier to leave than it is to stay
I know that with all this emotional baggage, I'm the one to blame
I swear that with you it was never a game
if you leave ill understand
please realize that when I ask you to stay its not a demand
please don't go
I can't do this alone

disclaimer: this only rhymes because I was experimenting a little

Friday, February 22, 2013

society's opinion

I am less than the average.
I fall beneath the standards set for me.
I am ugly.
I am pretty.
I am skinny.
I am fat.
I'm bipolar, I can never make up my mind.
I am my worst flaw.
I am my greatest success.
But, I can never really succeed.
I must be better.
I must be good enough.
For I am society, and you are defined by me.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

broken wings

empty swings. empty stares. friends i once knew, emotions i once felt. painful reminders that everything's changed. but, at the same time, everything's the same. time has passed. people have left. but, what's the point? what's the point in remembering, or forgetting? it doesn't change anything; pain is pain no matter what form it delivers itself in.

~estoy aprendiendo volar

Wednesday, February 20, 2013


I admire people who do what I cannot or who have the patience to do what I choose not to do.
I admire people who struggle yet find resolve despite their circumstances.
I admire people who choose to be alone rather than forcing themselves to be compromised in order to fit in.
I admire you. I may not know you, or maybe I do. But I admire your qualities- whether they be bold or soft- they are what make you unique. And I admire you for being unique.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

which is which?

It's hardest at night. When the stillness sets in. At the end of a party, when everyone's left but the decorations are still hanging. When everyone's gone to bed, and I'm still awake. The past haunts me, the future daunts me. Yet, the present is the worst because there is nothing. There's nothing for me here.   I'm not saying it's not worth sticking around for. Of course whatever's out there is worth waiting for. I suppose a part of me is afraid to be happy. Even for just a moment. It used to be so easy. Now, even in the happiest moments, on the sunniest days, a voice in the back of my head tells me that this won't last. That the darkness will return, stronger than before. Ghosts of what should be, of what could be, tell me that the happiness isn't worth its price: the unbearable sadness.
What if.. sadness and happiness are twins? Completely identical from the outside, but radically different on the inside. Or perhaps it's not so much the nature of the inside that's different. What if the qualities of sadness were brought about by nurture rather than nature? Maybe, sadness is happiness under different circumstances.

Friday, February 15, 2013

redefinitions & reactions

It is better to be ugly on the outside and beautiful on the inside than it is to be ugly on the inside and pretty on the outside. They might have a pretty face, the words they say might hurt, people might even agree with them. That's because they don't know you. If they knew you, they wouldn't say the words they say.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt
No longer will I let people, or their opinions, define me. I refuse to stand underneath the titles they place upon me and the words with which they define me. I will rise against the slurs, the remarks, and the taunts. I will stand amidst the rude words spoken to me and I will walk on. I will not dignify their insecurities with a reaction. Words spoken by ignorant mouthes do not deserve any response.
~define yourself from truth, not opinion

Thursday, February 14, 2013


I just don't see an end to this. I feel completely estranged, shut off from everyone else. I feel as though there is me and then there is also the rest of the world. Parallel. It feels as though I am invisible, wandering through life as a ghost. People seem unaware. I feel unnoticed.
They're all lies, I know but what is truth, really? It seems like what's been called true lately is entirely false. My emotions are overriding my logic and maybe some part of it is true but my emotions magnify everything to an extreme level. I've felt so much for so long although it feels like I feel nothing at all.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

numbing stillness

I'm totally numb. It's like, I've been in pain for so long that I just stopped feeling. Good isn't good enough, and words that used to mean so much are just that, words. I feel like I lost myself. It's as though I died but in a way, I'm still alive. In between death and life, I suppose. Breathe in, breathe out. I have no idea what I'm thinking anymore, where my ideas come from, or who I am. Of course, I have constants, a few, like my stars. During this time, I've felt more estranged from them than ever. They say it's from a state of selfishness, and that I should pray. I've prayed for so long, and I've read so many verses, sang so many songs but no matter how hard I try, it won't go away. I haven't felt God, or even happiness, for so long. The happiness is now completely temporary, and I'm so afraid to be happy because I'm afraid that after a short while, it won't mean anything. I feel completely alone, isolated, even when I'm surrounded by people. And all the people that I've told, they either have no idea what to say, or they leave. I can't continue this search. This desperate attempt at living. This is survival. This is instinct. God, help me, I need to feel okay again. I need to love again.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

beautiful world

I am terrified of being alone; "I lie.. I pretend until I'm almost certain: it's a beautiful world." I've been pretending for so long. Honestly, I have no idea what's a lie and what isn't anymore. Do people always leave? Because for a while it's felt like no one's stayed.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

At a happier time

I can sing all the songs,
I know most of the verses.
But, they're just words now. 
I can give you answers,
I know all the right lies to tell.
All you see is a girl with a smile.
What isn't there to know?
I'm crying on the inside.
I have that no one's seen.
I have secrets no one knows.
Yet, everything's alright.
Or so I've said so many times.
I don't know what to believe anymore.
I gave up on myself.
Right now all I can see is pain, hurt, and despair.
I can be happy, but the happiness only lasts for so long.