something to believe in

I'm afraid to tell you a lot.
In fact, I'm afraid to tell you anything.
Time passes so slowly, yet it's passed so fast.
Sometimes, I wish I could move forward.
Sometimes, I wish I could go back.
It's hard to be someone else when all I want to be is myself.
It's hard to be myself when all I want is to be someone else.
It's hard to accept change when I wish for things to stay the same.
It's hard to accept the same when I wish for change.
It's hard to keep asking when I don't hear any answers.
It's hard to wait for something different when nothing seems to change.
It's almost as if I'm traveling down rather than upward.
Maybe it's perspective I need.
I live in a decent house, I have nice friends, I'm comfortable.
I'm very blessed.
Yet, all I can see is this struggle, this pain, this despair that I cannot overcome.
Believe me, I've tried.
But did I try surrender?
I asked for an end but maybe this is only the beginning.
Maybe this darkness leads to light.
Maybe this pain, this change, is only God's grace in disguise.
Maybe something better will come of this.
Is the maybe really necessary?
I believe in a holy, loving God who can bring beauty from ashes, who can soften the heart of stone, and who can make everything from nothing.
If my God can do all of these things then surely, my struggle is like a dwarf to a giant.
Truly, my struggle, to God, is small. But to my struggle, God is massive. God is conquering.